Ask the Therapist

 Ask the Therapist

I Had a Sex Dream About My Therapist. Was She Right to Be Upset?

She said I could tell her anything.

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An illustration of a man sitting at a chair. To the right of him is another chair and a woman walking away from him. 

Credit...Marta Monteiro

Lori Gottlieb

By Lori Gottlieb

Lori Gottlieb, a psychotherapist and best-selling author of a memoir about her work as a therapist, offers readers advice on life’s tough questions.

April 10, 2025

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I am a veteran with PTSD, depression, anxiety and marital discord. The Veterans Affairs Department has been paying for me to see a therapist. At my last session, I shared with my therapist that I’d had a sexual dream about her. I did not share any specifics about the dream, and I did not say or suggest that I have a crush on her. (I do not.)

My therapist blew up at me, saying that this is something you should not bring up to a therapist. The next day I felt so bad about the incident that I texted the therapist and apologized. I told her I was embarrassed and would never share something like that again. She did not reply.

Two days later, I received a phone call from her receptionist telling me that my therapist was terminating therapy with me.

For the record, the therapist never told me any topic was off limits. In fact, she told me that therapy was a safe place to share any issues I wanted to bring up. I remember asking her, “I can tell you anything?” and she said, “Yes, anything.”

I feel confused and abandoned. She was the only person I could share anything with and not feel judged. This is how a lot of vets feel if we share anything terrible we had done or failed to do while on active duty. I don’t think I will ever trust a therapist again.

I feel lost, alone and hurt. Can you offer any guidance?

From the Therapist:

I’m so sorry that this happened to you, because you did absolutely nothing wrong. Instead, your therapist’s wrongdoing has left you in a deeply upsetting predicament. A therapist should create a truly safe space, and it’s devastating when trust in your therapist is broken. What you’ve experienced — especially after sharing something so delicately personal — is not only hurtful but also destabilizing.

In therapy, you have every right to bring up a dream — even if it’s about your therapist and even if it’s sexual — and to trust that the therapist will handle whatever you bring into those conversations with skill, compassion and professionalism. Before I suggest how to navigate this breach, I think it might help you to understand how this disclosure should have been handled.

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Want to Ask the Therapist?If you have a question, email askthetherapist@nytimes.com. By submitting a query, you agree to our reader submission terms. This column is not a substitute for professional medical advice.

When people go to therapy, two dynamics typically emerge — transference and countertransference. Transference occurs when patients direct feelings related to a person in their lives onto the therapist. If, for example, you have a problematic relationship with a family member who you feel is controlling, you might transfer those feelings of being controlled onto your therapist whenever she suggests an intervention for you to try.

These feelings can range from anger to adoration, and romantic or erotic transference can occur when a therapist reminds a patient of a past romantic partner or love object, or when an earlier need is being fulfilled by the therapist: unconditional acceptance, a safe environment, emotional intimacy, or feeling seen or valued or protected. Dreams are often the subconscious mind’s way of processing complex emotions, and transference can be very useful if the therapist helps the patient identify this process as a way to gain insight into underlying feelings.

But something seems to have interfered with your therapist’s ability to do this. In training, therapists learn to recognize their own feelings of transference toward the patient — what’s known as countertransference. A therapist whose patient reminds her of her impossible-to-please mother may start to feel helpless and begin to resent this patient. Or a therapist may overidentify with a patient who struggles with a similar issue to one that the clinician dealt with in the past (divorce, an alcoholic parent), and become unable to disentangle the patient’s feelings and experiences from the therapist’s own.

As with transference, countertransference needs to be brought to light and processed. But while transference is discussed in the therapy session, therapists process their countertransference by receiving feedback from other clinicians (or their own therapists) to avoid muddying the work they’re doing to help their patients.

We have a saying in therapy: If it’s hysterical, it’s historical. Generally when people have intense reactions, there’s some history at play. It sounds as if your therapist had a strong emotional reaction to your dream but didn’t adequately explore what was underlying it. She made your dream the issue, instead of understanding her problematic feelings about your dream. In doing so, she violated the sanctity of the clinician-patient relationship by shaming and then abandoning you, causing you pain, preventing you from processing this disturbing experience and leaving you without closure or continuity of care.

Your therapist’s sudden withdrawal reinforced the very fear many veterans who are managing PTSD, depression, anxiety or trauma experience: that vulnerability leads to abandonment.

But this experience, though deeply painful, doesn’t mean that you should give up on therapy altogether. You deserve a therapist who will walk alongside you and give you room to process whatever you’ve been through, without judgment or fear of abandonment. Your therapist’s actions have rocked the foundation of your trust, but I believe you can rebuild it with the right support from a different clinician.

You can start by sharing your experience with the appropriate mental health resource coordinator, who can discuss your options on how to handle the situation with your former therapist (for instance, by filing a complaint so that other patients won’t have to endure something similar) and provide you with referrals to a new therapist who has been thoroughly vetted.

Interview two or three therapists by requesting a consultation before you begin treatment, and tell each of them what happened to you and the effect it had on you — that you are grieving the loss of the relationship you had, feel betrayed by a person you trusted, are hesitant to open up to a therapist again and are seeking someone who can help you to move forward from that experience and heal the wounds that brought you to therapy in the first place. See how each therapist responds, and notice with whom you feel most comfortable.

Finally, I want you to know that you’re not alone. Although it may feel that way right now, there are people who understand the layers of what you went through and will be there to support you.

Want to Ask the Therapist? If you have a question, email askthetherapist@nytimes.com. By submitting a query, you agree to our reader submission terms. This column is not a substitute for professional medical advice.

Lori Gottlieb, a psychotherapist and best-selling author of a memoir about her work as a therapist, offers readers advice on life’s tough questions in the “Ask the Therapist” column.

Creio para entender

 A frase "Creio para entender" (Credo ut intelligam), atribuída principalmente a Santo Agostinho, encapsula uma perspectiva profunda sobre a relação entre fé e razão na busca pelo conhecimento, especialmente no domínio da verdade divina e da compreensão da existência. Ela desafia a ideia de que o entendimento deve necessariamente preceder a crença, propondo uma dinâmica mais intrincada e, para muitos, mais fundamental. Vamos expandir esse tema em seus diversos aspectos:

A Prioridade da Fé:

No cerne de Credo ut intelligam está a ideia de que, em certos domínios da realidade, particularmente aqueles que transcendem a experiência sensorial imediata e a capacidade puramente analítica da razão, a fé serve como um ponto de partida essencial. Agostinho argumentava que, para compreender as verdades espirituais e metafísicas, é necessário primeiro dar um passo de confiança, aceitar certas premissas ou revelações como verdadeiras. Essa adesão inicial da fé não é um salto cego para a irracionalidade, mas sim um reconhecimento da limitação da razão humana em alcançar sozinha essas verdades mais elevadas.

A Fé como Porta para o Entendimento:

Para Agostinho, a fé não é o fim da jornada, mas sim o início de uma busca mais profunda pelo entendimento. Acreditar fornece o arcabouço conceitual, os princípios fundamentais e a orientação necessários para que a razão possa então operar e explorar essas verdades com maior profundidade. A fé ilumina o caminho, permitindo que a razão veja mais claramente e compreenda de maneira mais completa o que inicialmente foi aceito pela crença. É como se a fé plantasse as sementes do conhecimento, que a razão então cultiva e faz florescer.

A Limitação da Razão Autônoma:

Agostinho reconhecia o valor e a importância da razão, mas também seus limites. Ele observava que a razão humana, por si só, muitas vezes se perde em contradições, dúvidas e incertezas, especialmente quando tenta sondar os mistérios da fé e da natureza de Deus. A fé, ao oferecer um ponto de apoio firme e uma direção clara, auxilia a razão a evitar esses desvios e a se concentrar em uma busca mais frutífera pelo entendimento.

O Papel da Autoridade e da Revelação:

A fé, no contexto de Agostinho, muitas vezes está ligada à aceitação da autoridade divina revelada nas Escrituras e na tradição da Igreja. Essa autoridade oferece um corpo de verdades que são consideradas dignas de crédito e que servem como base para a compreensão. A razão, então, trabalha para elucidar, interpretar e aprofundar a compreensão dessas verdades reveladas.

Uma Busca Contínua:

A relação entre fé e razão em Credo ut intelligam não é estática, mas dinâmica e progressiva. A fé leva ao entendimento, e esse entendimento, por sua vez, pode fortalecer e aprofundar a fé. É um ciclo virtuoso de busca pela verdade, onde a crença inicial impulsiona a investigação racional, e os insights da razão enriquecem a compreensão da fé.

Implicações Filosóficas e Teológicas:

A máxima de Agostinho teve profundas implicações na filosofia e na teologia ocidental. Ela influenciou o pensamento medieval, buscando harmonizar a fé cristã com a filosofia clássica. Filósofos e teólogos como Anselmo de Cantuária também adotaram uma perspectiva semelhante, argumentando que a fé fornece a base para a compreensão racional dos dogmas religiosos.

Contrapontos e Debates:

É importante notar que a relação entre fé e razão tem sido um tema de intenso debate ao longo da história da filosofia. Alguns pensadores enfatizaram a autonomia da razão, argumentando que a crença sem evidências racionais é irracional. Outros defenderam a primazia da fé, especialmente em questões de ordem espiritual. A perspectiva de Agostinho busca um meio-termo, reconhecendo a importância de ambas, mas estabelecendo uma relação de precedência da fé na busca pela compreensão de verdades transcendentais.

Em Conclusão:

"Creio para entender" reflete uma humildade intelectual, reconhecendo que a mente humana não é onipotente e que existem domínios da verdade que podem exigir uma postura inicial de confiança e abertura. A fé, nesse sentido, não é uma abdicação da razão, mas sim um trampolim para uma investigação mais profunda, uma chave que abre as portas para um entendimento mais rico e significativo da realidade, especialmente no que concerne ao divino e ao espiritual. A frase continua a ressoar como um convite a uma busca integrada pela verdade, onde a crença e a razão se complementam em um diálogo contínuo.

Canon in fugue at the interval of a fourth

 

"Canon in fugue at the interval of a fourth" describes a sophisticated musical composition that combines two distinct contrapuntal techniques: canon and fugue, with a specific characteristic in the canonic imitation. Let's break it down:

1. Canon:

• At its core, a canon is a musical form where one or more voices (or instrumental lines) imitate the melody of a leading voice.
• Think of it like a round (like "Row, Row, Row Your Boat"), but potentially more complex.
• The following voice(s) enter after a specific delay and often at a different pitch than the original melody.

2. Fugue:

• A fugue is a contrapuntal compositional technique for a set number of voices (typically 2 to 5).
• It's built on a central subject (a short melody or theme) that is introduced at the beginning by one voice alone.
• Subsequent voices enter in imitation of the subject, often at different pitch levels (typically a fifth above or a fourth below the original). This initial section is called the exposition.
• After the exposition, the subject is developed and appears in various keys and voices throughout the piece, often interwoven with episodes (sections that don't feature the complete subject).
• Fugues emphasize the independent melodic lines of each voice and their intricate interplay.

3. "At the interval of a fourth":

• This specifically describes the relationship in pitch between the original melody in the canon and its imitation.
• A fourth is a musical interval spanning four diatonic steps (including the starting and ending notes). For example, from C up to F is a perfect fourth.
• Therefore, when a new voice enters in the canon, it will be singing or playing the same melody as the first voice, but starting either four steps higher or four steps lower in the musical scale.

Putting it all together:

A "Canon in fugue at the interval of a fourth" is a composition that:

• Has a canonic structure: One voice imitates another after a delay.
• The imitation occurs at the interval of a perfect fourth: The following voice starts its version of the melody four diatonic steps away from the original.
• Is also structured as a fugue: The canonic melody (or a significant part of it) serves as the subject of the fugue. This subject is then introduced by each voice in turn (the exposition), and subsequently developed through various contrapuntal techniques characteristic of a fugue, such as inversions, stretto (overlapping entries of the subject), and episodes.

In essence, it's a piece where the principle of canonic imitation at a specific interval is integrated into the broader, more complex framework of a fugue. This creates a very intricate and intellectually engaging musical texture where the listener can follow the same melody appearing in different voices, offset in time and pitch, while also experiencing the development and interplay of these melodic lines within the fugal structure.

Think of it as a double layer of contrapuntal ingenuity, where the strict imitation of the canon is woven into the more flexible and developmental nature of the fugue. It demands significant compositional skill to execute effectively.

interrelation, correlation, and potentiality

1. The Rejection of Substance and Atomism:

• Classical metaphysics often posits fundamental "substances" or indivisible "atoms" as the building blocks of reality. This image and text suggest a departure from this view. The "glowing strands" are not things in themselves but represent relations between data points. This echoes philosophical ideas like process philosophy (e.g., Whitehead), which emphasizes becoming and interconnectedness over static being.
• The idea that the world isn't "made of objects" but of "interactions" resonates with certain interpretations of quantum field theory, where particles are excitations of underlying fields, and interactions are fundamental.

2. Time and Perception:

• The text explicitly states that time, as we experience it linearly, is a consequence of our perception, a "slice" of a more fundamental reality. This aligns with eternalism or the block universe theory in philosophy of time, which suggests that all moments in time exist simultaneously. Our consciousness navigates this pre-existing tapestry.
• The emphasis on "attention moves" rather than "time passes" is a radical shift. It suggests that our subjective experience of time is driven by the focus of our awareness within this interconnected web of possibilities. This has parallels with phenomenology, which emphasizes the structure of consciousness and lived experience.

3. The Nature of Information and Consciousness:

• The text posits that "consciousness might not ride on information" in the traditional sense of discrete packets being processed. Instead, it suggests a "vibration of its interconnection." This opens up possibilities for understanding consciousness beyond purely computational or materialist frameworks.
• It hints at a more holistic or panpsychist view, where consciousness or proto-consciousness might be an inherent aspect of the interconnected reality itself, rather than an emergent property of complex systems. The "hum" of structure could be interpreted as a fundamental resonance that underlies all phenomena, including consciousness.

4. Epistemology and the Limits of Language:

• The initial statement that this "something I 'see' constantly but can't express easily in words" highlights the limitations of language in capturing the fundamental nature of reality. Our linguistic structures are often object-oriented and linear, making it difficult to describe a reality based on interrelation and potentiality. This echoes philosophical concerns about the ineffability of certain experiences or fundamental truths.
• The "topology of meaning" that is "ongoing" and "keeps changing" suggests that our understanding of reality is not fixed but is constantly being shaped by our interactions and attention within this web. This aligns with constructivist epistemologies, which emphasize the active role of the observer in creating meaning.

5. The Implied Metaphysics:

• The image and text point towards a metaphysics where relation is primary, and individual entities are secondary or even derivative. The "web of correlations, probabilities, and potentialities" suggests a reality that is fundamentally dynamic and probabilistic, rather than deterministic and composed of fixed entities.
• The "gravitational influence" being "abstracted across ideas, languages, and intentions" is a particularly intriguing statement. It could be interpreted metaphorically, suggesting a kind of interconnectedness that transcends physical laws as we currently understand them, operating at the level of thought and meaning. Or, more speculatively, it could hint at a deeper, yet-to-be-understood relationship between consciousness, information, and the fundamental forces of nature.

In essence, this conceptual and its explanation invite us to consider a reality that is far more fluid, interconnected, and dependent on our perception than our everyday experience typically suggests. It challenges the foundations of our understanding of objects, time, information, and consciousness, pushing us towards more holistic and potentially non-materialist perspectives. The "truth" it hints at is one of profound interconnectedness and the active role of consciousness in shaping the reality we experience.

Look up!

 The road is dusty; the journey is long. Look up! Look up in the early morning when the sun comes peeping over the horizon, out of the shadows of the night. Look up in the noontide when the resting-spot is still afar in the distance. Look up when you see the evening star. Look up! There shines the City!

Cowman, Mrs. Charles E. . Springs in the Valley: 365 Daily Devotional Readings (p. 118). Zondervan. Kindle Edition. 

The dusty path, a pilgrim's weary tread,

Long is the journey, from the shadowed bed

Of ignorance. But Yogananda's voice,

A gentle thunder, bids the heart rejoice.

"Look up!" he whispers, as the dawn unfurls,

And golden Surya kisses sleeping worlds.

From night's illusion, where the senses cling,

His eyes, like stars, a brighter vision bring.

"Look up!" at noon, when striving feels the heat,

And earthly solace offers no retreat.

Though far the goal, the inner temple waits,

He guides us onward, through the closing gates

Of doubt and fear, with breath and chanted sound,

Where cosmic currents on the spirit bound.

"Look up!" when twilight paints the western sky,

And worldly clamor starts to fade and die.

Behold the evening star, a diamond bright,

Reflecting realms beyond the fading light.

"Look up!" for there, beyond the veil we see,

The City shines, of pure eternity.

Where Self unites with vastness, ever free,

The Kutastha's gleam, for all humanity.

He taught us gaze, beyond the fleeting show,

Where inner light begins and outward shadows go.

To find that City in the soul's deep core,

And walk that dusty road, desiring nothing more

Than union's bliss, the journey's sacred end,

Where Guru's grace and cosmic currents blend.

Rejection of Superficial Comfort and Pacifism

 

1. Rejection of Superficial Comfort and Pacifism:

"Forbid that we should sheathe our sword in flowers!": This opening line immediately sets a tone of rejecting a sentimental or overly gentle approach to life, especially in the face of conflict or hardship (symbolized by the "sword"). "Sheathing a sword in flowers" suggests a desire to soften or beautify something inherently meant for struggle, perhaps implying a denial of the harsh realities of existence or a naive form of pacifism that avoids necessary engagement. Philosophically, this could be interpreted as a rejection of escapism or a superficial understanding of peace that ignores underlying conflicts.

2. Identification with Suffering and Leadership:

"Captain beloved, battle wounds were Thine,": This line establishes a deep reverence and love for a leader who has endured suffering ("battle wounds"). This leader serves as a model. The use of "Thine" suggests a figure of great respect, potentially even a divine or deeply admired human leader. Philosophically, this points to the idea that true leadership and perhaps even profound moral authority are often forged through hardship and sacrifice.

"Let me not wonder if some hurt be mine.": This expresses a willingness to accept personal suffering. The speaker isn't concerned with avoiding pain; rather, their focus lies elsewhere. This contrasts with a natural human inclination to seek comfort and avoid harm. Philosophically, this could relate to Stoic ideals of accepting what one cannot control, or even a form of self-denial for a higher purpose.

3. The Desire for Shared Suffering as a Form of Connection:

"Rather, O Lord, let my deep wonder be / That I may share a battle wound with Thee.": This is the crux of the philosophical statement. The speaker's deepest desire ("deep wonder") is not to be spared suffering but to share in the suffering of the beloved leader ("Thee"). This is a radical concept that challenges conventional notions of seeking happiness or avoiding pain.

Philosophical Interpretations:

Empathy and Solidarity: The desire to share a wound can be interpreted as a profound expression of empathy and solidarity. By sharing in the leader's suffering, the speaker seeks a deeper connection, a sense of being truly aligned with their experience. This goes beyond mere sympathy; it's a yearning for shared reality.

Spiritual Aspiration and Imitation: If the "Captain beloved" is seen as a spiritual figure (implied by "O Lord" in the following line), then the desire to share a wound could represent a yearning to emulate that figure, to follow in their path of sacrifice and suffering. This aligns with philosophical and religious traditions that emphasize the transformative power of suffering and the idea of following a virtuous or divine example.

Rejection of Individualism: The focus shifts from individual well-being to a shared experience. The speaker's personal comfort becomes secondary to the desire for connection and shared destiny with the leader. This challenges a purely individualistic worldview.

The Meaning of Suffering: The poem suggests that suffering, when shared or endured for a higher purpose, can have profound meaning. It's not something to be merely avoided but potentially a pathway to deeper understanding, connection, and spiritual growth.

Authenticity and Engagement: By rejecting the "sheathing of the sword in flowers," the poem advocates for an authentic engagement with the realities of life, including its hardships. It suggests that true connection and meaning are found not in avoiding struggle but in facing it alongside those we admire.

In conclusion, the philosophical message of this excerpt is a powerful call to move beyond a superficial pursuit of comfort and embrace the potential for profound connection and spiritual growth through shared suffering. It elevates empathy, solidarity, and the imitation of virtuous leadership, suggesting that true meaning may be found not in the absence of hardship, but in how we engage with it alongside those we deeply respect.

Jesus Moreno

 

https://www.reddit.com/r/Christianity/comments/1jxuzsw/im_not_christian_but_i_drew_jesus_because_i_think/

Yogananda, Paramahansa. A Yoga de Jesus

 As multidões superficialmente curiosas, atraídas por demonstrações de poderes extraordinários, receberam apenas uma parcela escassa do tesouro da sabedoria de Jesus, mas a inequívoca sinceridade de Nicodemos evocou do Mestre uma orientação definida, que enfatizava o Poder e o Objetivo Supremos nos quais o homem deve concentrar-se. Os milagres da sabedoria, que iluminam a mente, são superiores aos milagres de cura física e controle da natureza; e milagre ainda maior é a cura da causa-raiz de todas as formas de sofrimento: a ignorância ilusora que obscurece a unidade entre a alma do homem e Deus. Esse esquecimento primordial é superado apenas com a Autorrealização: por meio do poder intuitivo pelo qual a alma apreende diretamente sua própria natureza como Espírito individualizado e percebe o Espírito como a essência de todas as coisas. Todas as religiões reveladas e genuínas fundamentam-se no conhecimento intuitivo. Cada uma delas possui uma particularidade exotérica ou exterior e um núcleo esotérico ou interior. O aspecto exterior é a imagem pública, incluindo seus preceitos morais e um código de doutrinas, dogmas, dissertações, regras e costumes que orientam seus seguidores comuns. O aspecto esotérico inclui métodos que se focalizam na autêntica comunhão da alma com Deus. O aspecto exotérico é para as multidões; o esotérico, para uma minoria fervorosa. É o aspecto esotérico da religião que conduz à intuição ou conhecimento direto da Realidade.

Yogananda, Paramahansa. A Yoga de Jesus (The Yoga of Jesus—Portuguese): Compreensão dos Ensinamentos Ocultos dos Evangelhos (Portuguese Edition) (p. 73). Self-Realization Fellowship. Kindle Edition. 

Cristo aos 33 anos

 

Yogananda - Whispers from Eternity